Daddy's Little Girl

Like most girls, I have always thought that my Dad is some kind of super-human, god-like creation whose main task on this earth was to make sure that the sun revolved around his little princess. Do not mis-understand me, my father was not an overly affectionate man, nor did he ever dote on me. But my Dad was always teetering on that slim line between man and God in my eyes.

In the past few days, I have had some time to reflect upon this and I have come to the conclusion that I wasn't far off in my assessment of his greatness. I had to help my brother make the decision to put my Dad into hospice a couple of days ago. And while this is the kind of decision daughters and sons have to do all the time, for me this means allowing the one truly great man I have ever encountered to slip away from us all.

My sister never married because she always said our Dad set the bar too high, and that no mere mortal man would ever be good enough. (I think she may have set her standards a bit on the high side.) And in a lot of ways, I agree with her. Now I love my husband, and he is a good man. But when one goes in search of a husband, one is looking at qualities that fit that bill, not for the god-like qualities my father has. And you are thinking, "every little girl feels that way about her daddy." And you are probably right.

I have been struggling with writing his obituary the last few days. I write in starts and fits. I don't know where to draw the line. Because the truth is that what I want to say about him is probably not obit material... though I need to say it. And while as his daughter, I will remember his singular wit, his smile, his enthusiasm and charm... there are millions of people in the world who have been the recipients of his good work.

My Dad was born in Queens New York to parents who emigrated from Belarus. Since his very first job out of college, editing the newsletters for the rural extension office in Delaware, my Dad has been helping the people of the world feed themselves. Those little newsletters would help farmers get more food out of every acre, or help them keep their cows healthier. He taught hundreds of students at Michigan State University about raising animals and crops, how to care for the land and get it to cooperate in being productive. He taught there for 56 years. He worked for the Extension Service there, filming television shows that could disseminate practical advice to Farmers and their wives.

He built Agricultural Universities in countries all over the world so that the farmers in those places could learn about ways to grow enough food to feed their nations. Nigeria, Jamaica, Saudi Arabia, Nepal, Kenya, Indonesia, Costa Rica, Chile, El Salvador. Malaysia, Pakistan... dreaming to help countries become self-sufficient... consulting with those governments, as a development worker and advisor. He worked for the Ford Foundation, UNICEF, the World Health Organization, the World Bank, USAID, and many other development minded groups as a consultant, critic, advisor and representative. He was the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization Representative to Nepal, India and Bhutan. He helped India become self-sufficient. Whether you agree with the dietary changes that have taken place or not, India can feed itself.

After my folks moved to Tucson he continued to teach his classes online. For years he made a huge pot of soup and took it across town to his church by 7am every Monday and Friday morning. This was to feed the dozens of homeless people who came to their church twice a week for a shower, clean clothes and a hot meal. This church where one could actually find sanctuary... from the border patrols or the INS, where they are serious about No More Deaths, where my family has supported the Showers Program for over a decade.

There is a sick kind of irony in watching someone who has helped to feed millions, slowly waste away in a hospice bed. I know that the kind and gentle women who are so gently caring for him have no idea who he is or what he has done for the world. So I sit and hold his hand and tell him: "You did good... you helped so very many people... you did a good job... rest now.... you don't have to do any more... you did a good job... thank you for helping so many people... I love you Daddy... you did good..."

Sports Nerd?

I am a sports junkie. I love to watch American football. I also love to watch tennis, world cup soccer, le Tour d'France, and ice skating (amongst other things). But there are some oddities to why I love to watch these sports. I hated American football when I was growing up - I didn't understand the game and it just seemed silly to me. That was before a booking agent named Angel Gomez took the time to teach me the rules, and I grew to appreciate the simple pleasures of watching dozens of grown men run around in Lycra spandex pants.

My Dad has been a huge tennis player since I was a child. When I was growing up, if he was in the country he would pack a tuna salad sandwich and an apple for lunch in a brown paper bag. He ate this lunch at his desk because he would be playing tennis every day during his lunch hour. Every day, and sometimes on Saturdays. If he was travelling, he had a special bag made which could hold the numerous racquets he would be carrying depending on his destinations. There used to be a real science to what kind of gut was used to string these racquets, depending on the surface upon which one would be playing, the humidity and the altitude. I wanted to be a professional tennis player like those girls my Dad admired playing in the major tournaments on television. Unfortunately, due to a childhood injury, I could never master the serve toss.

I love to watch le Tour d'France because I get to see many of the parts of Europe that I love. And, again it is grown men wearing Lycra spandex, only this time they are shorts. Ice skating can be tremendously aesthetic. The combination of music, athleticism and artistry amaze me. I get dizzy on a merry-go-round. How can they spin around like that and not just fall over when they are done? I do okay on skates - I can go backward pretty well, but I cannot fathom how these skaters can jump up in the air, spin around a bunch of times, land on a sheet of ice and not end up in a heap on the ice. And sometimes, the men wear - guess what - yes Lycra spandex!

World cup soccer is a lot of fun - a combination of geography and high level soccer with a lot of drama thrown in just for fun. (And I don't mind the lack of Lycra spandex becuase sometimes they run around and tear their shirts off after they score.) Okay so here is the really strange part of all this... even raising four boys, I usually end up watching sports by myself. None of the boys in my family really like to watch sports. Danny used to watch with me occasionally, but I am pretty sure that was just because he loves me and knew I wanted someone to watch with me. Every once in a while Larry will sit with me for a bit while I am watching something, but his is just being kind.

So this weekend I have been in sports heaven - US Figure Skating Championships, the Australian Open Tennis Tournament and the Football championships. I will be unavailable for a lot of February as I plan to watch as much of the Winter Olympics as I can. So this all begs the question... what I really don't understand is.... what kind of nerd am I? Is there such a thing as a sports nerd?

New Years Resolutions

Yesterday, while enjoying a cheese souffle, fresh asparagus and chocolate fondue with my best buds, Mejdu and Brooke, the question of New Years Resolutions was posed. The idea apparently came from the lovely Bradley that one should choose one word to describe what one wants to accomplish in the upcoming year. At first I said "Perseverance", but then after thinking about it and some discussion I changed to "Flourish". After sleeping on the idea, I have decided that this year I want to be "Combobulated". Along with that concept, it would be nice to wake up one morning and feel like I am "in sorts" and "in whack". (As opposed to discombobulated, out of sorts or out of whack.) I know I may be asking a lot, but that is going to be my goal for 2010, to be combobulated.

Holidays

It is funny how by mid-October suddenly the holiday season is upon us here in the US. It seems to me that the season begins earlier every year, and now the official start is in October with the plethora of consumer products available for Halloween. Not that I am complaining necessarily, but sometimes it feels like the capitalists are really pushing things. It would be nice if this season was not the "spending season" but the season wherein we celebrate the joys of family and friends. For my family the celebrations actually begin in early October with the celebration of my youngest child's birth. This is followed by my Mom's birthday, Halloween, my niece's birthday, my birthday, Thanksgiving, my oldest step-son's birthday, Christmas, New Years Eve, and the New Years Day/Anniversary celebration. Whew! I am exhausted just thinking about it! For me this time of year means loads of extra chores to be done, somehow with joy. Decorating, re-decorating, and re-decorating, cooking, cleaning, baking, more cleaning, and so on. It is no wonder that I usually just want to sleep through January. (The fact that I decided to re-finish the family room floor between Halloween and Thanksgiving this year probably did not help!) That being said, I have to admit that I do love all of it. It is a way I can express my feelings for my loved ones, by doing all of those things with love. And while I complained about having to do it all my self while the children were still in the house, I know that I created something for them that they will be able to have forever, memories of family and joy. I can only hope that they will use those memories to create similar ones for their own families when the time comes. So I am not going to complain to the capitalists, but instead ignore their pleas to "spend, spend, spend" while turning my attention to celebrating the joys of family and friends. I will put up the trees and decorate them with love. I will bake hundreds of cookies with love and share them with my friends. I will stir every pot, scrub every corner, and wrap every gift with love. For when it is all said and done, that is what the holidays are all about.

Finished at last

Okay so it took us about a month, but we finally moved the last piece of furniture back in to the fully renovated room last night. I then spent the rest of the night loading my books onto the book shelf in what I hope is some kind of logical order. Of course the shelves are full and there is still the matter of the half dozen boxes which are still in the basement, but I will get to those and figure out what to do with them eventually.

The best part is that I find I really like having the window right next to my desk. From that vantage point I can easily see the world going past, but more importantly, I can watch the seasons progress. I hope the solace that brings me will help me to stay focused on the task at hand.

Also, there is still ample space for the "guest bedroom" portion of the room. There is a single bed, empty dresser and TV.... just in case someone comes for a visit. I love having guests in my house. Of course there remains a bit of a mess in the bathroom which I will have to deal with tomorrow!

The last part of this evolution is to choose which pieces of art to frame and hang. I know my global cow will find a home on the wall in this room, but I am thinking I will also hang a print that I bought at Istanbul Modern and the poster from the Istanbul European Choir Concerts. But first and foremost, I have to find just the right spot for a Lucky Eye. At this point, I need all the luck I can get.

Autumn and renovations

Autumn is probably not the best time to do renovations in your house, but like many things in my life that is just how the timing has worked out! I just realized that it has been a little over three weeks since I started on this project and thought an update was overdue. This project has taken a bit of added time because the weather in Michigan is not very cooperative in October and I have had to do the work around my busy schedule at the Writing Center. I really only have three days each week when I don't have to work, and between that fact and the humidity levels in Michigan this time of year it is taking longer than I had envisioned... like things do.

Once I had sanded the old finish off the floor (by hand!) in Dan's old room the staining went pretty quickly. However the polyurethane did not want to dry since it was, of course, raining. That room only has one window, so Larry had set up a fan which blew the dust, while I was sanding, and the fumes outside. But it still took five days to finish that part of the project. Next came taping off the walls so I could paint the trim. Crawling around the room on the floor #2. (#1 was with the sander.) Then I had to paint the trim... crawling around the room on the floor #s 3 and 4 since it took two coats to cover well. Then I had to let that dry completely, and again it was raining so that took longer than I expected. Then I had to move the tape so we could do the walls - pulling the tape off the walls around the trim and moving it to protect the newly painted trim (crawling around the room on my knees#5). Now, I thought, the fun begins! Of course when you paint a room the first thing you have to do is "cut in" the room. This meant once again getting down on the floor to paint the walls around the trim of the room - #6!

The color I had chosen was a bit brighter orange than I had envisioned. Once the walls had their first coat I told Larry we could just leave it like that and paint some jack-o-lantern faces about the room and it would be cool... he did not agree. We had always wanted to try various kinds of faux wall finishes, so we got out all the 'toys' (sponges, rags, etc.) stirred up the can of yellow paint and began to play around on the small wall that would be behind the door most of the time. What we learned from that experience was that we didn't really like anything we tried... for all kinds of reasons. So, it was time to go to the computer and my new best friend, Bob Villa.

We spent a couple of hours looking at various websites and trying their recommended techniques until we came onto the one that we both liked - faux leathering the walls. Next time I do a room I will choose two colors that are not quite so contrasting, and probably richer - especially if it is a big room... but the technique leaves you with a finish that is unique and lovely. I plan to finish the walls tomorrow and move the furniture back in over the weekend.

I know my kids will be horrified when they find out that I painted this room orange and yellow, and my knees may never recover from this abuse, but I think it will be worth it when I am done. Or, I can just move everything back out and start over!

My baby boy

Exactly 20 years ago it was a clear crisp night in a small town in Indiana. Larry had the camera out and went out on our balcony to get some fresh air. He called in to me as I labored, that there were "a jillion stars out" that night. "Great" I growled between contractions, "If it's a girl, we'll name her Jillian Star Jerrim".

My midwife Kristen, and her assistant, Larry and Judy were all there to greet him as he finally joined our family at 6:40am. He was perfect. Sometimes when babies are born they look kind of scrunched up, wrinkly, or alien, but this baby was perfect. He was enormous, as far as newborns go, weighing in at 9 lbs, 14 oz, but he was beautiful. After cleaning us all up, introducing him to his Dad and brother, and eating a good breakfast, we both fell asleep. It had been a long night.

I awoke to somthing soft on my cheek. When I opened my eyes this tiny person was looking me straight in the eye with a look of wonder in his blue eyes as his tiny fingers touched my face. My heart constricted in my chest, I held my breath, and in an instant I knew that I would love this child forever. "Thank you, for coming to be with me" I whispered to him.

When you have a child life becomes a real adventure. You have your own hopes and dreams for that child, but every day is a suprise. He says or does something which brings a smile to your face and once again, your chest will have that catch, where the love swells up and almost hurts, but then explodes in a wave of love and pride that washes over you. I could go on and on about my children, but I am pretty sure it is unnecessary. Anyone who knows them at all will understand. So, today, I am wishing my baby boy the happiest of birthdays. Flourish and prosper sweetheart, and, once again, thank you for coming to be with me.