Daddy's Little Girl

Like most girls, I have always thought that my Dad is some kind of super-human, god-like creation whose main task on this earth was to make sure that the sun revolved around his little princess. Do not mis-understand me, my father was not an overly affectionate man, nor did he ever dote on me. But my Dad was always teetering on that slim line between man and God in my eyes.

In the past few days, I have had some time to reflect upon this and I have come to the conclusion that I wasn't far off in my assessment of his greatness. I had to help my brother make the decision to put my Dad into hospice a couple of days ago. And while this is the kind of decision daughters and sons have to do all the time, for me this means allowing the one truly great man I have ever encountered to slip away from us all.

My sister never married because she always said our Dad set the bar too high, and that no mere mortal man would ever be good enough. (I think she may have set her standards a bit on the high side.) And in a lot of ways, I agree with her. Now I love my husband, and he is a good man. But when one goes in search of a husband, one is looking at qualities that fit that bill, not for the god-like qualities my father has. And you are thinking, "every little girl feels that way about her daddy." And you are probably right.

I have been struggling with writing his obituary the last few days. I write in starts and fits. I don't know where to draw the line. Because the truth is that what I want to say about him is probably not obit material... though I need to say it. And while as his daughter, I will remember his singular wit, his smile, his enthusiasm and charm... there are millions of people in the world who have been the recipients of his good work.

My Dad was born in Queens New York to parents who emigrated from Belarus. Since his very first job out of college, editing the newsletters for the rural extension office in Delaware, my Dad has been helping the people of the world feed themselves. Those little newsletters would help farmers get more food out of every acre, or help them keep their cows healthier. He taught hundreds of students at Michigan State University about raising animals and crops, how to care for the land and get it to cooperate in being productive. He taught there for 56 years. He worked for the Extension Service there, filming television shows that could disseminate practical advice to Farmers and their wives.

He built Agricultural Universities in countries all over the world so that the farmers in those places could learn about ways to grow enough food to feed their nations. Nigeria, Jamaica, Saudi Arabia, Nepal, Kenya, Indonesia, Costa Rica, Chile, El Salvador. Malaysia, Pakistan... dreaming to help countries become self-sufficient... consulting with those governments, as a development worker and advisor. He worked for the Ford Foundation, UNICEF, the World Health Organization, the World Bank, USAID, and many other development minded groups as a consultant, critic, advisor and representative. He was the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization Representative to Nepal, India and Bhutan. He helped India become self-sufficient. Whether you agree with the dietary changes that have taken place or not, India can feed itself.

After my folks moved to Tucson he continued to teach his classes online. For years he made a huge pot of soup and took it across town to his church by 7am every Monday and Friday morning. This was to feed the dozens of homeless people who came to their church twice a week for a shower, clean clothes and a hot meal. This church where one could actually find sanctuary... from the border patrols or the INS, where they are serious about No More Deaths, where my family has supported the Showers Program for over a decade.

There is a sick kind of irony in watching someone who has helped to feed millions, slowly waste away in a hospice bed. I know that the kind and gentle women who are so gently caring for him have no idea who he is or what he has done for the world. So I sit and hold his hand and tell him: "You did good... you helped so very many people... you did a good job... rest now.... you don't have to do any more... you did a good job... thank you for helping so many people... I love you Daddy... you did good..."