Since my Dad passed away suddenly we, the children, had to figure out what to do about Mom and her care. As I have not been able to find a 'real job' since I returned from Istanbul last summer, we agreed that I would take on the role of primary care giver. We hired a home nursing company to provide nurses for the nights, so I could get some sleep and have my wits about me during the days. There was just one problem to solve. I hated my parents apartment at "The Fountains". It was like a cave and it smelled funky. Their two bedroom apartment had a view of the walls of other apartments and a couple of trees.
Why would you live in Tucson and not live somewhere with some kind of a view. If you look in the homes magazines every house advertised for sale is either "mountain view" or "city view" or "golf view" or some combination of "views". My Mom always wanted me to turn the blinds so she could see out when she went to bed. I couldn't figure it out for the longest time. Then I realized that if the blinds were open and she laid 'just so' she could see a slice of the mountains between the buildings. And what kind of idiot builds a retirement community and does not put exhaust fans in every bathroom! Really? No exhaust fans in a complex of a bajillion tiny apartments filled with old people??? What were they thinking!
So as soon as I could I found a small house and moved into it with my Mom. It was a little scary since I couldn't get in to the house to see it before I leased it, but it is directly across the wash from my brother's house and I knew the neighborhood would be okay for us. The other houses available on a month to month basis were in gated communities and with the stream of people coming and going I wasn't comfortable with that. I hate moving. It is not the actual moving of things that I dislike - it is the sorting and packing and unpacking that I dislike. I feel like I have been doing it my whole life, so I am pretty good at it, but I hate it nonetheless.
The very nice people from Two Men and a Truck did all the lifting and carrying parts. They were great. (Although if you have ever had an e-mail from them it is a bit disconcerting since it looks like it is coming from T women and a truck!) They arrived promptly at 8:15am and four and a half hours later we were all moved in. My brother had taken my Mom out for breakfast and then over to his house while the chaos was taking place and she wanted to come 'home' just after lunch! (I am good, but geez... give me a minute, Ma!) Anyway... it took me about seven hours to get everything moved and her stuff put away enough for her to be comfortable.
This is probably the best decision I have ever made. The view is spectacular. From her bed Mom has an unobstructed view of the Santa Catalina Mountains to the north of Tucson. The same is true from the living room and the dining room - but I am happiest about the view from her bed. She has the ability to actually enjoy the part of the earth where she chose to live her final days. They could have moved anywhere, but she chose to live out her days in Tucson. And now she has space, a fabulous view and Major League Baseball in High Def 24/7.
When she was first put under hospice care last summer I told my husband that I was sure she would wait until the world series was over before she died. 7 months later... and since we have no idea how the cancer is progressing, we have no idea about how much of this season she will be able to enjoy. But she will be able to enjoy every minute of it that she wants.
I had stolen a picture of my Dad from the lobby of the complex where my parents lived. It is a very nice picture - he looks happy. I had set the picture up near my computer but one day Mom found it and started carrying it around the house with her. We took it to a local shop and had copies made. I bought frames and now he is visible from where ever she is in the house. For the most part she has stopped looking for him and is resigned to living with me. It occurred to me one day that maybe the reason that I hadn't been able to find a 'real job' was so I could come and take care of her. I just have to have faith that once she is gone something else will come my way.
