The end at last

I have had a couple of emotional days. On the first of September I was expecting to be paid by Bilgi University, however no transfer occurred. I was really upset since I had feared they would try to pull a fast one and not pay me. It was for that exact reason that I had not yet resigned, even though I had the letter all ready to send. I checked and rechecked my account balance all day, but no money. I was pretty crushed since a) I had been counting on that money to see us through another month, and b) I had kept my part of the bargain and I hoped that they would as well. Unsure about what to do, I sent of flurry of messages to my friends in Turkey through facebook. I finally decided to send a message to a guy in HR and simply ask about my pay before resorting to more drastic measures (like legal threats).

I had the distinct feeling of dread when Larry said to me, "I guess we shouldn't count on any money from Turkey, huh." I felt like a failure once again. It had been bad enough that my pay was about a third of what we had expected all year due to the exchange rates, but now they were going to short me a whole month and there was very little I could do about it but threaten, scream and yell. And cry, which I did.

In a bit of a panic about lack of income, I decided to go back to the writing center and and do something productive. I hadn't decided fully that I wanted to do it since it kind of seems like going backwards, but I knew I just needed to have something productive on my calendar. It felt really good to be back in the writing center, with people I care about, in an environment in which I am completely comfortable. I felt much better after being on campus, and had a nice evening watching the US Open; Federer and Serena both won their matches. I woke up before five this morning and was lying in bed composing the letter in my head, unable to go back to sleep. Finally I decided on what to say, got out of bed and came down to the kitchen for coffee and to make my next move. I turned on my laptop, made my coffee and decided I should check the bank account one more time before writing the e-mail to try to get what I was owed. Low and behold - there it was, the deposit in full.

I wanted to cry once again - this time with relief. I was not only relieved that the money was there, but mostly relieved that I wouldn't have to battle the university - a battle I was pretty sure I couldn't win. I amended my resignation letter, adding a fairly scathing critique of the institution's business practices and sent it off. (In case you missed this part, no one in my program ever saw a copy of our contract all last year!) I am finally done. After an entire year of holding my breath... I can finally relax. It was a fascinating chapter in my life, but one that I feared would never end, and now it has.